Jailhouse
by Sasuke14u
Summary: Written by Zero101: Oneshot. After a bar fight, Zoro and Sanji are both thrown into jail. Rated M to be safe. SanZo, SmoAce, LuNa.


**Jailhouse**

"My name is officer Fullbody. Do you even know why we locked you up? Sanji Black? Roronoa Zoro?" the police officer asked to the two strange men who seemed to be enjoying their time in their jail cell, both laughing at some unknown joke between them. The one with green hair was wearing casual clothes and was slightly hanging off his blonde friend in a three piece dress suit. Both slouched on the cell bench, grinning as if they were still at the bar.

The blonde, Sanji; who seemed the most sober answered, still grinning. "Cause we're fuckin' A?"

The other, Zoro; leaned back running a hand through his hair, laughing. "Cause we kick ass?"

The officer sighed. _They're both idiots..._

"Well, the Going Merry's manager didn't want to press charges...in fact he seemed to think the whole event was quite funny; but his financial advisor said, and I quote, 'Throw their drunk asses in jail.' "

Zoro glowered at his friend. "See? Nami's don't *hic* like ya. She threw you in jail."

The blonde looked over and glared. "_You're_ in here too, baka marimo."

"...Shit."

The officer stuffed the reports back into it's packet and sealed it. "Since the charges weren't from any of the people you attacked during your drunken rage..."

"Hey, we only *hic* kicked their asses AFTER they opened *hic* their fat mouths."

Sanji grinned. "It was fun though right?"

"Hell yeah." Zoro laughed, slapping his knee. "It was great seeing you kick that one guy over the bar."

Sanji poked his side. "What about you throwing that table at the biker jackass who busted a jug over your head. Oh. There'sa little red going down the side of your face."

Zoro reached up. "Really?" brings hand back down. "Oh...I am bleeding."

_These guy's are stupid._ "Well, cause there were no serious injuries and the owner really didn't want to press charges, we're just going to keep you two over night. Hopefully you'll be sober by then and will reflect on your actions."

Sanji leaned back, causing Zoro to stumble forward. "Oh, we will. We'll reflect on making sure we kick their asses twice as hard before we get arrested again."

"Make sure their unconscious." Zoro grinned. "Bunch of jackasses."

Becoming obvious to the officer that the two didn't even seem to care about being here and accepted that they were effectively ignoring him, he made his way to the exit and left the two alone. _What freaks..._

_oOoOoOoO_

"When'd that asshole take my cigarettes?" Sanji asked, patting his pockets. "That sucks man."

Zoro laid back on the bench, throwing his feet over Sanji's lap, still chuckling. "_You _suck."

Sanji took a long look over at his drunk friend, his own buzz slowly fading. His enemy/friend/lover of years was laid out on his back, a rare smile gracing his face. His shirt was missing buttons from where one of the guys tore it during their brawl, revealing his defined muscles of his chest and stomach, along with the jagged scar that ran down from his right shoulder to his left hip. His black jeans hung low on his hips.

And somehow he had lost his shoes on the trip here.

He looked peaceful laying there.

Comfortable...

Vunerable...

Sexy... A naughty grin appeared on Sanji's face.

Mine...

Leaning over the open body he placed a gentle kiss on his lover, causing Zoro to stir from his light nap. He willingly gave a tired kiss back and Sanji's control snapped. Roughly grabbing Zoro's hips, Sanji dragged the man further below him as he deepened the kiss. This shocked Zoro enough to gasp, allowing him to shove his tongue through the larger man's lips.

A line connected the two men as they parted. Sanji smirked, seeing the blush covering Zoro's face that he knew wasn't from being drunk. Zoro half-heartedly glared, turning his face away while still keeping his eyes on Sanji. "What the hell?"

"Hey..." Sanji leaned over and placed his lips to Zoro's ear. "...wanna do it?" The reaction was better than Sanji expected. His lover's eyes widened as he suddenly jerked upright, making him have to jump to his feet or be knocked to the floor. Zoro's face now completely flushed, Sanji laughed. "HA! You're so red!"

Pacing the floor, muttering how his friend was a jackass, Zoro stopped and grabbed the bars to the cell and leaned his forehead against them. He sighed. "Feels like a cage."

"It's not like we've never been in here."

"Whatever." He groaned, closing his eyes as he started to sober up. "Its hot in here."

"Want me to strip you?" Throwing his head back, Zoro glared at Sanji. Noticing the intense gaze he had settled on him.

Snorting, he turned his head back around and placed his forehead on the bar. "Put your hands on me and see what happens..."

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around him and grabbed the bars just below his hands. He jerked when Sanji lightly blew into his ear.

"Is that a challenge?"

_oOoOoOoO_

_Oh shit... _He could feel Sanji's warmth against his back, smell the tobacco in Sanji's breath on his cheek. "Get off, asshole."

"Nah. You said you'd only hurt me if I touched you _with my hands_...you didn't say that I _couldn't _touch you." Zoro groaned, thinking of the possibilities. Sanji chuckled. "Did that give you some interesting thoughts?"

"Did not." he pushed back against Sanji's chest, leaning his head back against his shoulder.

_Damn it. This ain't good._

_At the GOING MERRY_

_one hour earlier..._

"What the hell happened in here?" Ace asked as he walked into his little brother's bar, seeing the broken glass and chairs littering the floor. Luffy was sweeping the floor while his girlfriend, Nami, glared at the broken window in distaste. "Luffy, you get drunk again?"

Luffy laughed, clearly enjoying the memory. "Nah. Zoro and Sanji got into a fight."

Ace grinned, a naughty grin on his face. "About what? Who was gonna take it after work?"

Luffy blinked. "Take what?"

Nami swung around and hit him over the head. "Shut the hell up." she snuffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "No, we had some assholes here, they said something to the two and they started to fight."

Luffy grinned. "It was so awesome. We haven't had that many people flying for awhile."

"We don't want that to happen."

Ace nodded, surveying the room. "So, where are the terrible twosome." Giggle. "Probably having some late night fun now that ya'll sent them home early."

Luffy frowned, leaning on the broom. "No, Nami called Smoker and now they're in jail."

Ace perked up. "Smokey took them?" He looked over at Nami. "You actually sent them to jail?"

"Hell yeah. Maybe a night in jail will teach them a lesson. If they're going to fight then they have to take it outside! And you!" points to Luffy. "You shouldn't have told them they could clock out early."

Luffy scratched his head. "It was slow so I thought it was okay."

Ace was getting confused again. "So...what exactly happened."

Luffy got into his 'acting out' stage. "Okay. So, I let them go early. They sat over at the bar and started drinking, okay...then they started sucking face and some new guy said something you should never say around those two." He swung his arm forward. "Then Zoro punched him out. Guy's friends jump up, Sanji started fighting too..." he sighed. "...it was so awesome."

Nami's eye twitched. "Stupid."

"So...then Smoker took them and they're at the station."

"Yeah."

"You let those two drunk, horny assholes get thrown in jail...where at this time of night the officers tend to leave the people they took in _alone_?"

There was a moment of silence. Nami groaned and smacked her forehead. "Damn it."

The brothers laughed. "Smoker's going to get an eyeful tonight." Luffy said.

Pause. Ace turned to leave. "I guess I can go make sure Smokey's okay. He could use some _company _anyway." he purred, walking through the doors.

Nami glanced over at her boyfriend. "Your brother's a voyeur."

"What's that?"

oOoOoOoO

_back to the present_

_When the hell did this happen?_

Zoro had dozed off, still leaning against the bars only to wake up and find his hands were tied to the bars by Sanji's trademark black tie.

"I didn't think you could fall asleep so easily standing up...but I guess your ability was a big help. Ne, lil' marimo?"

Debating what was worse; staying like this or simply ripping the tie and invoking Sanji's wrath, he merely sighed and leaned back against the bars. Man, he just wanted to go home and sleep on his bed. Hell, he'd be satisfied with the couch at this point. Now, thanks to his asshole of a lover, he was stuck sleeping against the bars of a jail cell.

Zoro's eyes snapped open with realization.

_Wait...he got me tied up...is he seriously going too..._

He felt Sanji's hands grip his hips as he leaned against his back, breathing lightly into Zoro's ear. "Figured out my dastardly plans, my dear princess?"

oOoOoOoO

"You ass! Don't you even think about it!?" Zoro growled, thrashing against him.

"Already thinking about it." Sanji grinned as the blush on Zoro's cheeks reached his ears, turning them a dark pink. He licked the shell of the man's ear and toyed with his earrings, knowing the man disliked it. "You're so cute."

Zoro rubbed his ear on his shoulder. "Don't call me princess and I'm not cute."

Sanji slowly ran his hands up Zoro's chest, forcing a small moan from his lips. "Will you shut the hell up and let me fuck you already?"

The feel of Sanji's hands on his skin, slowly sliding up the mans' sides forced a moan from his lips. _"Fuuuck..." _Zoro's head fell.

He ran his hands slowly down Zoro's sides, delighted with the shivers that followed. He nipped his shoulders. He ground his hips against Zoro. "_Zoro..."_

Zoro stiffened upon hearing his name moaned into his ear. Sanji grinned, knowing the response he was about to get. _I win._

Zoro leaned his head back and groaned, his eyes closed. "I really hate you sometimes."

Sanji chuckled, nuzzling his neck. "Believe me, the feelings mutual." Zoro sighed. He turned his head, his lips beseeching, eyes smoldering. Sanji complied, deeply kissing the man. Parting for air, Sanji smirked. "So?"

Zoro groaned, burying his face against his neck and whispered. "You better make sure I can't walk...cause I am _so _going to kill you after this."

That actually made _Sanji _blush. A perverted grin appeared on his face as he nuzzled Zoro's cheek affectionately. "Like you'd be able to even _move _after I'm done. Zoro-chan."

_Main Office_

"Sanji works fast, huh?"

Ace watched the screen with great interest as the police chief struggled against the binds on his chair.

"Damn it, Ace. Untie me, I am _not _letting them go at it _again _in my jail!" Smoker glare only darkened. "I can't believe Fullbody put them in a cell together. I even put a notice up to _not _do that."

Ace blinked. "Really? That's fucking hilarious. What's it say? 'Do not place Zoro and Sanji in cell together, they will fuck like dogs in heat?'."

..."Asshole."

He grinned. "I'd write 'If you like moans and groans, put Zoro and Sanji together.'" Ace actually giggled. "I'd even draw a lil' picture. Bet they'd be together a whole lot more often, everyone loves live porn."

"No, that's just you."

Ace straddled his lovers lap, running his fingers over the cuffs that he'd managed to snap around Smoker's wrists on the armrest of the chair. He gently kissed his lips and gave a dirty smirk. "You love it though."

Smoker groaned, leaning his head back as Ace ran his hands down his chest while nibbling on his neck. "Untie me."

"Nah, I like it kinky. And I know you like it too." Ace leaned back up and looked over to the screen and laughed. "Aww, I've never seen Zoro like that. It's kinda cute." he stared at Smoker. "Hmmm..."

A nervous vibe went through Smoker's gut at that. His eye's narrowed. "You're not fucking me."

Ace smirked. "It's not like I haven't...I do appreciate that lil' gift by the way." he laughed as a dark blush spread across Smoker's face. "But not today." he stood from Smoker's lap and sat down in between the man's legs, a naughty smile on his face. "I want _you _inside me." Smoker's eyes darkened and narrowed on to the man as he slowly worked on his pants. Ace laughed. "Keep staring like that. I know I'm sexy."

Smoker groaned. "You are."

Ace grinned.

"But you're still a pervert and a voyeur."

"Hell yeah."

OOoOoOoO

(The next morning)

Leaning back against the wall and dying for a cigarette, he stared at the body that was currently occupying the cell bench with a large smirk on his face. Zoro was passed out on his stomach, which tended to happen when he topped the green haired man. At least he had the courtesy to put the mans pants back on before settling him on the bench.

He hadn't even bothered to take off his own clothes before screwing the swordsmen raw against the bars.

The only thing that kind of concerned him, was that he had noticed the camera mounted on the far wall...and Smoker never came down to break up their fun.

His smirk widened. _Maybe he enjoyed the show_. He'd never tell Zoro though that they'd been recorded. The man hated it when he feels like he's being watched on a regular basis, much less during sex. True, he didn't like it either, but hell, if he wanted to fuck, he'd find a way to drag the marimo into the closest bathroom or closet he could find.

Zoro's groaning dragged his attention away from the camera. "Morning, sunshine. You sleep well?" He watched as the man rose up from his elbows, arching his back until it popped. He received a dark glare as Zoro's eyes met his. which only made his smirk bigger. "How're you feeling, honey?"

"I...am going...to kick...your ass." Zoro stated slowly.

He laughed. "Tell me that later when you can stand." Eyes twitching, Zoro managed to turn onto his back and attempt to sit up, only to fall back down with a curse. "Guess I can say I fucked you good, right?"

"I hate you." Zoro muttered, his face turning red.

He smiled. "Love ya, too."

OOoOoOoO

Smoker's office

_Totally worth it._

Ace rubbed his most likely broken nose as he watched his lover stomp out of the office, rubbing his probably stiff shoulders after being handcuffed to his own chair.

Ace smirked as he pressed a button and took out the surveillance tape containing Sanji and Zoro's _fun,_ and tucked it under his arm, thinking on how much the blonde would appreciate his effort.

Smoker would get over it. Probably either by banning sex for awhile...or by taking him good and hard later to the point of being comatose. Ace rubbed his nose again and grinned.

_So totally worth it._


End file.
